I'm not sure how to feel right now, but that's pretty linear with my current state.

I'm only taking 12 hours, but they're all classes that a freshman would not usually be taking, even in their second semester. The Fiction Workshop professor even spoke with me after class because she was unsure about having me in her class. I told her I had already taken LANG 120 and 260, plus every AP English class offered in high school. She said that would probably make things a little easier, but that most freshmen floundered in that class. It was pretty frightening, because the professor also told the only other freshman in the class that she thought it was a no for her. So I might be the only freshman in that class... but that won't be terribly abnormal this semester, because I'm also the only freshman in Advanced Poetry, and one of few in Poetry Intro. I haven't been to Queer Fiction yet, so I'm not sure how my standing in that class is. I am actually more worried about Advanced Poetry than anything right now, because if I don't do well in that class, I feel like it will hurt me more as a person than as a student. I've started to consider writing as my specialty, so it would be so discouraging if I don't do well. I mean, I know what everyone says. I can't be perfect, and everyone is not going to like your poetry all of the time, or any of the time to be truthful. But, my arts mean a lot to me. I consider them to be a huge strength, so to be told I am weak in one or more than them is terrifying. It makes me think that I'm not good enough. I don't want to be just another artist that quits and works in a dead-end job because other people don't appreciate their work. That would quite possibly crush me.

On a brighter side, I spoke with my Queer Fiction professor regarding the idea of a minor in Gender Studies. She was pleased with the fact that I seemed knowledgeable and interested in the subjects, so we babbled back and forth a while about general gender and sex theories. I admitted that I'm not a feminist or even a strong believer in gender as both are currently defined, and I certainly don't believe in binary sex. I don't consider myself as being a gender radical. I'm a human-rights supporter and activist. I believe that all freedom is deserved as long as it remains neutral, which means it doesn't infringe on the freedom of others. My beliefs, opinions, and standards are too broad/vague to fit under one label, and I don't mind that because I don't think they need to. I shouldn't have to fit to a perfect standard.

Oh man, side-note: I have a mega-ratty mohawk now and I love it. The only problems are that I can't wear it up when I want to wear a hat, I have to constantly keep it maintained (which means I'm even more obsessive about my appearance than usual), I use up a shit-ton of hairspray, I need to buy another mirror, and I have to shower more than I like to. Actually, I have to shower even more than I need to.

It's kind of lonely here. Half of my friends are gone, the other half is busy or not hanging out with me for various reasons, and the new ones are really new. I don't really have that many people to talk to that I'm actually comfortable with. I eat meals by myself a lot of the time.

I miss a lot of people, and I didn't think it would be this difficult. For the most part, I feel like I didn't say my proper farewells.