Today in class I wrote a somewhat imaginary valentine, knowing full well that I have no one to love me this VD-day. I fucking hate Ms. Honey for making me feel what I know all too well.

Like a hole in the head
and blood spilling from your mouth
Like eyes full of lead
and being too scared to shout

What can I say to make everyone know that I am not ready to love myself? And why do I feel like hating myself could make others love me?

I feel so alone. I just want to be free again.. go back to the good old days when I lived in Greensboro.

Fuck it, here:

I've written verses on your beauty
and those rhymes end up in wastebins
on crumpled pieces of paper
or worse yet in open air
passed by lips that have no feeling

this winter courses without meaning
and betwixt us is no love lost
so even on this day catches
the cycle of twilight and sunlight

heaving between ribs and heaert
is this notion of dis-position
the disorderly mean of putting
yourself on a higher horse than me

tonight is filled with premonitions
of equal ground and able minds
without thought and worry
but together both in kind

It sucks. It's abstract and it makes me want to vomit like a beast. I'm sick of this.


I'm sick of myself.