SB08. I did nothing, I breathed in short breaths and sputter-stumbled dizzily with faces spinning on my skull like pearls in oysters. I took in enough to leave me wrecked like boats in choppy opaque seawater. I am consumed by stars and moons, left to my own wrenching by the guts of distrust, the impulsive taste of decisions. Tongue the tips and pits of suns and planets, forelocks and forearms are full of chalky blood, convulsing arteries left with the compulsions of treaties.

I have vicodin and xanax and tylenol, just enough to make me feel full again. I've not been b/p-ing technically, at least I don't consider it so. I've been saying 'cunt' far more than I probably should, but I'm not sure what to think technically. There are so many terms that I don't quite know the origin of.

I swear that this is all first block is good for. I still can't believe I've been actually trying to focus. This is more than I can stand. Moremoremoremoremore. I'm trying not to die right now. Poor babygirl didn't sleep well at all last night, she kept waking me up and grinding her teeth in her sleep. I felt so bad for her, and I guess I still do, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. It's way too early for me to feel this hopeless in school. Fuck school, I can't believe I'm going to be a teacher. At least I sound finite, in that way that I do. This is making me want to crawl into a ball and die. I'm not quite sure what to do. Only a few more minutes.


Dammit, my school system is trying to cancel out being able to access blogger at school, which is a huge bitch in the system. I just want to be able to blog, fuck all.

I've shoplifted: a bracelet, two books, a ring, a dress. I might try for more, but I'm not sure how I'm going to explain all of this stuff.