This is me, past the point of deconstruction and closer to edge of desolation. I am lying through my teeth again, grasping desperately at the straws to make myself an okay person... but it's hard to forget how I lie. I lielielie like a dirty fleabitten dog.

My depression felt neverending. I was lashing out at others and at myself, practically begging to be saved, but no one ever saved me. I fell and fell until the world tilted on it's axis and I fell up. Closer to normalcy than I had been in a long time. That may have been the beginning of my bipolar disorder.

Today I cried in Speech and Debate, because I was scared and having flashback&forths, as I affectionately call them. One of the loves of my life said I kept fucking up because I was passionate. That was earlier this morning. I starved my emotions for two years, and still do, off and on. I feel broken now that I have my feelings back. Here's why I need to quit lying: I've been hurt and hurt myself innumerous times. I'll go into detail and specifics later.