I can't believe I'm actually maintaining my writing lately. Everyone will be proud--that's what I keep telling myself, what I have to hear.

Today I poured my lust into a poem and was told it was gross. Dammit. What am I doing wrong? Is my lust just too unfiltered? Am I just too harsh? Am I finally doing something wrong?

Today I kept down 3 lil' soymilk boxes, 4 apples (3 green, 1 red), 2 servings mighty mango naked juice, 1/2 pita, 2 tbsp vegan butter, 1 lil' box of raisins, 1/3 cup oat bran cereal, and 1 1/2 scoops unsweetened soy protein powder (which is disgusting, I should have bought the vanilla or chocolate). I think that is an accomplishment, but it's scary that I'm still so hyperaware of what I'm eating, the amounts and stuff. Tomorrow my mother, my mother's girlfriend, and I will go grocery shopping and I will buy nothing but safe foods. I'm really tossing back and forth the idea of going back to therapy. My mother said that maybe Kelly can motivate me to go back into recovery, or at least away from my EDs. I'm really struggling to decide what path I'm taking. I'm so excited about uni because I can just live off of fruit, vegetables, and soymilk. That's awful, I know. My roommate struggles with purging anorexia and I don't know if it's such a good idea for us to live together. Fuuuuucckkkk. My mother already sent in my housing requests.

I might fail Technical Theatre, which is completely ridiculous. I resisted the urge to cut today after doing those stupid fucking fake wounds in that class. Guitar was a bitch, which makes it the usual as of late. DUDE, Lui, though, mannnn... indescribable. Bahaha, he said he wouldn't lecture me, then proceeded to do just the opposite of what he had said. Awesome, I love it when he's a bitch.

Speaking of guitarists, poor Alex. I just want to cougar dive onto Tally and go for the jugular. Seriously.

My cat (named Honey, a female tabby) was sleeping on my back just moments ago and snoring.

I am tired from all of the b/p sessions yesterday, and I'm going to sleep because my writing is dissolving into short sentences and paragraph breaks. Dammit, once again, just for emphasis.


Where am I headed? Honestly!