I'm so terrified right now. I really let things get out of control. I have so much work to do, and I'm just not sure if it's even possible for me to do it all. At this point, I'm in a corner. A very small and dark corner where no one can reach me, and it's all my fault. I should have known better. "Should" is a horrible word, and I know it doesn't solve anything. Yes, I could have done things differently to avoid being in this predicament, but I can't waste time now by hating myself for it. I just need to do what I can, and I'll be alright. I'll be fine, no matter what happens.

I just spent 2 1/2 hours picking holes into my skin. I fell into the self-harm trance, where nothing really feels like anything and time passes indescribably. I just... panicked, I guess. I've been doing so well considering, so why now? Now that I just can't afford to be wasting my time hurting myself. It's not even a cry for help. It's a punishment, a form of controlling and fixing. It just gave me something to focus on other than the hole I'm in.

I'm just going to do the best that I can. I can only hope for the best.