I'm happy today. I've already been to one AA meeting, and I'll go back for another at 5:30. I had breakfast just a few minutes ago, so I waited too long, but at least I ate. I've realized that while I eat regularly, take my meds, and maintain a decent sleep schedule... I am waaay less likely to act out and engage in symptoms. I thank goodness for that. Yeah, I'm eating mechanically, but at least I'm eating and not engaging my eating disorder, substance abuse, etc.

B:
-oatmeal
-blueberries
-toast
-peanut butter
-skim milk

I already rode the stationary bike downstairs for a little bit (I'm going very light on cardio because I'm not comfortable with doing a "cutting" phase yet for fear of going batshit insane with it), but I discovered that I can do a clean and jerk 10x45lb. I'm so fucking proud of myself. This is a new thing for me. I used to do obnoxious amounts of cardio and isolated strengthening exercises for hours on end at tiny weights and resistance, but this is just amazing. I mean, I CAN DO A 45lb BACK SQUAT. I am a pretty strong motherfucker. Eventually I'll be able to bench press my full body weight and more since I actually have no clue what I weigh, but um, I'll just keep adding the weights. I know I need someone to spot me, so I really need to get that gym membership.

Jesus! What am I going to do with myself for an entire semester before I go back to school? What. The. Butt. I'm going to turn in some crazy gymrat.

EDIT:
getting a sponsor is waaay too fucking complicated. god fucking damn. :/

EDIT:
I GOT A TEMPORARY SPONSOR. She is awesome. She is just absolutely awesome. I'm just afraid I look a complete fool every time I open my mouth. I know looks can be deceiving, so I'm used to this. I have facial piercings and a shaved head and I wear stupid outfits, but the moment I open my mouth, I just get foolish. We're talking high-pitched and baby-voiced stupidity. I just get so nervous! I'm surprised she actually said yes. I don't really need a sponsor except to work steps. I don't get real temptations to use... I just, I don't know... I want to? I kind of crave it.