I'm a little surprised at how hard this is becoming. I always go in at a 10 and end up around a 6, which is enough to keep going but makes commitment a little more difficult. I'm struggling... I really am. I need some help. I want some love. I'm falling apart but I have to keep the mask on, have to keep faking until surreality become reality. I want a sponsor, to go to meetings, to go to treatment and therapy... just 24/7. I want to be occupied and never have to be alone ever again. I need constant external stimulation or I lose my mind. I'm going to sleep.