I have the idea for my new tattoo almost ready, hence the sketch above. It will be a muscular female body with a (male) lion's head. She will be in a stance almost as if braced for impact and battle, so feet apart, etc. She will be the symbol for my becoming/being a lion-hearted girl. It will be a gift to myself for battling through recovery and general life struggles, a symbol of all I overcame in the past and all I'll overcome in the future. I just need to get an artist to come up with a plausible rendition, get it priced, get the moneys, and get it done! Hell yes!

so, today I've quite randomly had in this order: a chik'n patty (protein), oatmeal (starch and protein) with skim milk (dairy protein) and soy protein powder (obvious protein), a tuna salad sandwich (starch, fat, protein), and a slice of bread (starch) with peanut butter (fat, protein). I'm back in protein-loading mode, apparently... which I guess is okay. The only parts I'm missing (and I mean missing as in, damn, I wish I had these) are fruits and veggies. Because of my grandparent's bizarre grocery lists, I have managed to get nothing but small amounts of bananas, strawberries, and blueberries in my system for the entire time I've been back. The only vegetables are nasty, nasty salad mixes or unfrozen stir-fry. I told my grandmother today that I need some fucking grapefruits and blackberries... like, ASAP. She said something about how she'll pick me up some blackberries and a few grapefruits next time she goes shopping. What. The. Butt. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? There are probably some old canned peaches or pears hidden in the cabinet, and I know there are some applesauce-like substances in the fridge, but I NEED FRESH PRODUCE. It's a source of hydration and natural sugars for me, which is good because I rarely use actual sugar, and I have a seemingly moral opposition to drinking water. Haha, this is the dumbest little rant in history. Waaaah, I want fruit. I'm such a little bitch. And on the subject of vegetables, it's weird that I even want vegetables. I kind of dislike most of them, except for: carrots, broccoli, water chestnuts, cauliflower, spinach, and romaine lettuce. All other vegetables (except for delicious ones that I've forgotten) can burn in hell.

On a more normal note, I'm so proud of myself. I'm eating better (even if in a weird, weird way) and working out. Actually, I'm improving greatly with each day as far as working out goes. I just feel like I need to up the endurance aspect to a more marathon style, but I dislike the idea greatly.

This is where the rest of that paragraph would go if I hadn't deleted it after I typed it... because it was silly. It was about strength vs. endurance and all that shit. I just don't care enough. Maybe that's the problem. I lack motivation? I sure don't feel that way. It's probably my need for immediate gratification.

Blah blah blah. I see Ginny on Monday. I get to tell her about my accepting the need for treatment. And the tattoo idea. And my missing Kelly. And my working out. AND ALL OF THIS RANDOM-ASS POSITIVITY.

...where the fuck are these moods coming from?

I <3 BEING BIPOLAR.