why am I awake? it's so fucking early. it's like eight in the morning and i don't think i fell asleep until around four. what the butt.

i had the weeeiiiirdest dreams. i broke into my old apartment and got busted, but the lady was really nice, even though i think she called the cops. and i saw my highschool and some teachers i don't know. some of them were just frew crew girls, and one of them looked like my favorite waitress from the diner i used to be a waitress at. i saw my college roommate and her friend, the guy i slept with for awhile. my favorite part was probably how fucking haggard my principal looked. seriously hilarious. i have such dramatic/funny dreams! i'm just going to blame sobriety and medications.

i think my dog woke me up by making noises in her sleep. i took her outside and she just ate grass. goddammit.

I NEED TO GO TO AA MEETINGS. guhguhguh.

EDIT:
i went to an aa meeting! at nine in the morning! woo fuckin' hoo! i even spoke up and talked a bit. i got a nice lady's number and she said to call her before i drink... as in, i can still drink, but call her first, which obviously means i won't drink afterward because i would feel horrible. everyone seemed so sweet and a bunch of people talked to me after the meeting was over. i really, really want to get a hold on myself. this war is everlasting, but i can win the battles day by day. admitting to a group of strangers that i'm a bipolar eating disordered addict always brightens my mood. ...ha.

EDIT:
I went to Salem Lake with my dog. She just kind of sniffed around. I don't know if she likes water. It certainly would make baths simpler. On a bright note, I can do a 45lb back squat. Basically, I can squat the weight of a (very) small child. How awesome, am I right? I'm pretty sure I need coffee and chocolate right now, but I don't really do chocolate, so maybe a mocha? 24oz soy mocha sans whip? Sounds sooo good. It's so fucking hot here and I still have cold hands and feet. At least I had an excuse when I was anorexic. But... fuck this. I can't believe how silly all of this is. I FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER. I'm looking at old photos and it's like watching a train wreck.