Tonight was the my second night of treatment. The director, whom I believe is a very caring and gentle person, asked me to speak about what he and I had spoken about after yesterday's meeting. We had spoken about my fear of recovering from substance abuse because focusing on it may cause my eating disorder to slip out of therapeutic focus and therefore out of control. I actually spoke my mind. And the world didn't fall apart AND/OR explode. Everyone was actually really, really nice and open and awesome. They were even encouraging and supportive... maybe even a wee bit helpful.

I'm going to keep going to IOP. I'm going to go to NA and AA meetings. I'm going to keep seeing a therapist, whether it be Ginny or Kelly once Kelly comes back. And if all of this isn't enough, I'll find an IP program that fits me... and I'll go inpatient. Because I can do this, and I believe in myself, I will do this. If I can, I deserve to give myself a chance.

I have a problem and I will find the solution.

...Even if the solution might not involve becoming a vegan bodybuilder. I'll give it a go.