sweetest perfection, of any kind

5:46

I'm toying with the idea of giving up. I miss so many things. I love too much. Today I told my nutritionist that I'm not going to see her anymore. I'm not sure if I do miss the illness or not, but I know it's too hard to keep things up like this. Someone save me, please. Either save me or leave me the fuck alone, because I don't want to deal with this shit. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of caring and acting like I mean everything I say and do. I keep feeling like yes, today is the day that will kill me. What is wrong with me that I am not worth as much as everyone else? Why am I inexplicably less valuable than the next person?

I wonder if this is what it's like to hear voices, knowing exactly which choice you should be making and choosing another option anyways.

Dear Me:

don't ever scare me like this again.

Once I find love...

I will __________

I'm no victim!

p.s. Thank goodness I don't look like Ms. N!

I'm at school, in 2nd block, writing my paper. Done with seven pages, writing two or three more, then stopping. 9-10 should be plenty. I would be satisfied with eight and a half, honestly. Then again, I always settle. Always always always, and there's really nothing wrong with that. I just need to pass and I'll be fine, right? No one is expecting me to do a super amazing grandiose project, but it'll be great. I know it. I just want to graduate and go to college for creative writing and english education. I just want to get better and better. I still have to make note cards, a powerpoint, and a product board. I'm probably still forgetting some super duper vital part, what whatev.

I only want to vagabond and write for the rest of my life. Probably teach high school at a place like this. Maybe fall madly in love and bring a uhaul to the second date.

bahahaha, yeah right... right?

goodness me oh my!

I'm really, really working my ass off on this project. Damn.
I hope the paper turns out as well as I hope it does. Does that make sense?
I'm on page five. 3-7 to go. D:

Tomorrow I'm going to the Spot to buy filters, two-for-one if they're still on sale. What a nice way to spend money, for real!

sidenote: I saw some of my sick pictures. Why didn't anyone tell me I looked like a fucking freak?

a society of giants?

I've grown up too big for this world around me,
dwindled the population that ceased to surround me,
swallowed the parents that tried to drown me
and ended up being too small.

well I like giants.

Confirming Diagnoses Through Honest Writings

Tonight is bleeding freely away from me, losing it slowly and emptying quickly of all the emotions, all of the wasteful things that make me stay near.

Lavender dust mushroom
clouds gather around tiny feet
stomp-moshing down
rainbows and waterfalls


I like this new, really gay style I've developed with my writing.

I still feel the hate.