I want to make this promise to you: I will never hate you. I may very well tell you that, sooner or later. Preferably while I'm feeling something akin to this, whatever it is that I'm feeling. Maybe I will say that the next time I see you. It's strange that I'm afraid to say this, but I hope I see you soon. I really do.

I wrote you that note in health class, thinking that maybe I could work up the courage to read it to you--either face-to-face where I can watch your reaction, or over the phone where all you can feel is the realness in my voice. But, I'm afraid of what it might mean. I was honest, of course, because I'm doing so much better where being truthful is concerned. So, what if you're concerned that I'm getting in too far? If I'm being too emotional? If I'm finally going to say "I love you?" If that reaction on your face will either make or break the future? Because I will never hate you. I know that no matter what happens between us or even around us, you will remain a good friend to have. You are so many things, and I know I can turn to you. Yes, it would be better than nice to have a relationship with you, but I can't do anything to sway your hand in making this decision. If anything, I would want to get into your head, to understand what truly makes you happy so I could point you in the right direction. Because I don't want to be with you if being with me makes you unhappy. I want to see you happy, and if I get hurt, so be it. That is what I deserve and it will make me even stronger, because yes, I am a very strong human being. I am indescribable. These adjectives that people throw around me in an attempt to cover me in such a soothing blanket, in the end they mean nothing. If anything, I am just a good person. If I ever wish anything ill against anyone else, I know I would never see it through. Those thoughts mean nothing, because I am loving. That is the word that comes closest to describing me, because it is indescribable in itself. Loving. What does that mean to you? What does it mean to anyone? I feel safe, a glow of soft pastels echoing outwards from my chest, somewhere deep inside that I will never understand. I can see what you mean when you say that we are so similar. We are so caught up in loving everyone, it's hard to remember to love yourself, isn't it? I think that this is why we are in such a difficult situation together. You know that you need to be happy, to be a little selfish, but with so many feelings at stake otherwise, you are afraid to take that step, to make that choice for yourself. But, I want what will be best for you. If we are so similar, you should know that I will understand. I will know that it is best if you are with someone else, because we can be friends still. We will still be the same people, just without the label of being in a relationship. Being with you doesn't make me happy, but I let myself feel happy when I'm around you. Does that make sense? Because you can't make me feel anything. I am allowing myself to feel these emotions, and that is all I can do. I can be open, honest, giving... but that is the only help I can offer for the most part. I can still suggest that you do what is best for you, and if you can spare hurting others in the process, that's great... but, in the end, you are the one who matters to you. Other people can't make you happy. Being with someone can let you feel happier if you allow yourself to be. Just being... I guess that's what I want for you. To stop having to fret about something that in the end will not change things. Yes, there will be a difference, but I will still love you. People change, but I don't think this can change us.

You will still mean something to me. Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself. You can hurt me. After all, I've made myself vulnerable. I knew the risks, because I've taken them before, and of course I got my hopes up. Neither of us can change that now, but please just understand that I only want what's best for you, and being with me is not that, then so be it.