Life can be pretty intense, I will admit. I can handle this, I swear it.

Are these people love interests? Is that what this is? I don't want to trick myself into thinking I love them, or rather that I am in love with them, because I honestly love just about everyone. At the same time, I can't lie and say that I have no feelings and am nothing but a collection of hormones and physicality. I am somewhat mixed-up is what I guess I'm trying to say. One guy is very interested in me and I've told him that I'm interested in him, but to be truthful, I told him that I'm also interested in another guy. He doesn't seem hurt, but I know the first guy can be quite sensitive. He's just like that and it's part of the reason I love him--he's just so open with me, and we do share a lot of commonalities. We get along really well, but there's something missing as far as chemistry goes. The second guy is probably one of the sexiest people I've ever met, just with his aura, behavior, and looks. His personality is so attractive to me, and we get along pretty well when I'm not intentionally being a bitch. The problem with him is that he is still pretty whipped by his ex and is generally pretty flirty. We've been pretty intimate, which is kind of a problem considering how little I really talk to him, not to even begin to mention the fact that he's basically with my roommate. That could end up being slightly awkward. He just makes me feel so good, like when I'm tucked against his side and I just feel so safe and comfortable. He doesn't seem too disinterested in me either, so there is a slight possibility that things could work out, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I feel that anxiety like I am just entertainment, pleasure, a toy... but he wouldn't be so openly affectionate if he didn't actually care about me, right? He kisses me in front of my roommate and her other friend, and then sometimes he puts his arm around me we're walking next to each other. I'm just scared that things are moving too fast again. I feel like I never have control of my body when I'm attracted to someone. Actually, that's not true... it's just when they reciprocate. I've been in actual love with people before and I've been fine for the most part. But, when I know they are attracted to me as well and are comfortable being intimate with me, it's difficult. I just don't want to get hurt again, I want something to work out for me as far as intimate relationships go. I know I need a partner, and I think I've reached the point where I'm stable enough. I just need to stop being so fucking impulsive.

GAAAAH.
FUCK MY LIFE... kind of. Sometimes it's pretty nice.